Tales From The Town #140: A Cast Of Christmas Creatures
Cats
Asleep by the fire, they purred and purred. No one knew where the second one had come from, or where it would go to once the flames turned to smoke.
Crabs
They emerged from Antoine’s cave, their claws wrapped in tinsel, Christmas cheer curiously absent from their crustaceous minds. It would be cruel if it wasn’t surprisingly cute.
Dogs
The indignity of Christmas jumpers outweighed by the unexplained proliferation of treats. They horde their bones and know not why.
Robins
Belligerent little bastards given infinite leeway due to their beauty.
Whale
The whale cares not for Christmas. It dreams of summer, and the stars.
A Cast Of Characters
Re: A Cast Of Characters
Tales From The Town #141: Christmas Eve Eve
Father Christmas, an angel, a reindeer, and Claire were sat at the kitchen table.
“Who wants christmas pudding?” Agnes asked.
“No thanks, Mum,” said Father Christmas.
“Not for me,” said the angel.
“Blurgh!” said the reindeer. “Christmas pudding is disgusting!”
“Yes, please,” said Claire eagerly. “I would love some christmas pudding please Mum.”
“But you don’t even like christmas pudding,” said Father Christmas.
“No one likes christmas pudding,” said the angel.
“Christmas pudding is made from mud,” said the reindeer. “And worms!”
“So?” Claire said, shrugging her shoulders and smiling in a faintly unsettling way. There was nothing more frightening than a happy Claire.
“And who wants custard?” asked Agnes’s mum.
“No thanks, Nanny,” said Father Christmas.
“Not for me,” said the angel.
“BLURGH!” said the reindeer, shaking his head and closing his eyes and miming throwing up. “Custard is disgusting times ten. And a half!”
“Yes please, nanny,” said Claire, with a grin as wide as several wolves’s smiles put together all at once.
“But you dont even like custard,” said Father Christmas. “You’re always saying how much you hate it.”
“We all hate it,” said the angel. “Every one hates it.”
“Because it’s yellow,” said the reindeer. “Yellow foods are the worst!”
“What about ice cream?” Claire said.
“Ice cream doesn’t count because it’s cold,” said the reindeer.
“What about cold custard?” said Claire.
The reindeer shook his head and looked a bit ill.
“Anyway shut up I can eat what I want,” said Claire, as her Mum put down a bowl of christmas pudding and custard in front of her. “Even custard!”
“Be careful Claire, it’s hot,” Agnes said. “I don’t want you burning your mouth again.”
“And do you want anything to go on your custard, Claire?’ Nanny asked.
“Can I have some chocolate spread?” Claire said. “And a spoon.”
“What size spoon?” Agnes asked, as she retrieved the chocolate spread from its hiding place in the cupboard under the sink that would now have to be changed because Claire had seen exactly where it was being kept.
“A big one,” Claire said.
“For Claire’s big mouth,” said the angel.
“Don’t upset your sister,” Agnes said, as she put the chocolate spread and a collection of spoons on the table in front of Claire. “Not while Nanny’s here. We all promised to be nice for Christmas, remember?”
“She couldn’t upset me if she tried,” Claire said. “I’m too grown up to get upset any more.”
She reached forward and very carefully selected a spoon. It was a spoon so big she didn’t evem know what it was called. There were teaspoons, and tablespoons, and dessert spoons, and soup spoons, but this was way beyond any of those. This was a spoon so big Claire couldn’t help but hold it up and admire it.
“Are you going to eat any of that?” Father Christmas asked.
“Or are you just going to stare at your stupid big head in that stupid big spoon all day?” the angel asked.
“BLURGH BLURGH BLURGH BLURGH BLURGH” the reindeer said, before explaining that custard was 90% vomit and 10% sick and if you ate it you’d become 90% vomit and 10% sick yourself. Forever.
Claire ignored all this. She simply smiled, turned round to check that Agnes and Agnes’s mum weren’t looking, then quickly stuck her huge spoon in the chocolate spread, scooped out half the jar, ate it in one delicious mouthful, then dumped the spoon in the custard to hide any evidence of her crimes.
“Finished!” Claire said, looking so pleased with herself it was kind of surprising she hadn’t turned into a cat.
“But you haven’t eaten any on it,” Agnes said, as Claire marched triumphantly out of the room. “What a waste.”
“I’ll have it!” Father Christmas, the angel and the reindeer all said at once, together, searching through the spoons to see if there were any more of the really big ones.
Father Christmas, an angel, a reindeer, and Claire were sat at the kitchen table.
“Who wants christmas pudding?” Agnes asked.
“No thanks, Mum,” said Father Christmas.
“Not for me,” said the angel.
“Blurgh!” said the reindeer. “Christmas pudding is disgusting!”
“Yes, please,” said Claire eagerly. “I would love some christmas pudding please Mum.”
“But you don’t even like christmas pudding,” said Father Christmas.
“No one likes christmas pudding,” said the angel.
“Christmas pudding is made from mud,” said the reindeer. “And worms!”
“So?” Claire said, shrugging her shoulders and smiling in a faintly unsettling way. There was nothing more frightening than a happy Claire.
“And who wants custard?” asked Agnes’s mum.
“No thanks, Nanny,” said Father Christmas.
“Not for me,” said the angel.
“BLURGH!” said the reindeer, shaking his head and closing his eyes and miming throwing up. “Custard is disgusting times ten. And a half!”
“Yes please, nanny,” said Claire, with a grin as wide as several wolves’s smiles put together all at once.
“But you dont even like custard,” said Father Christmas. “You’re always saying how much you hate it.”
“We all hate it,” said the angel. “Every one hates it.”
“Because it’s yellow,” said the reindeer. “Yellow foods are the worst!”
“What about ice cream?” Claire said.
“Ice cream doesn’t count because it’s cold,” said the reindeer.
“What about cold custard?” said Claire.
The reindeer shook his head and looked a bit ill.
“Anyway shut up I can eat what I want,” said Claire, as her Mum put down a bowl of christmas pudding and custard in front of her. “Even custard!”
“Be careful Claire, it’s hot,” Agnes said. “I don’t want you burning your mouth again.”
“And do you want anything to go on your custard, Claire?’ Nanny asked.
“Can I have some chocolate spread?” Claire said. “And a spoon.”
“What size spoon?” Agnes asked, as she retrieved the chocolate spread from its hiding place in the cupboard under the sink that would now have to be changed because Claire had seen exactly where it was being kept.
“A big one,” Claire said.
“For Claire’s big mouth,” said the angel.
“Don’t upset your sister,” Agnes said, as she put the chocolate spread and a collection of spoons on the table in front of Claire. “Not while Nanny’s here. We all promised to be nice for Christmas, remember?”
“She couldn’t upset me if she tried,” Claire said. “I’m too grown up to get upset any more.”
She reached forward and very carefully selected a spoon. It was a spoon so big she didn’t evem know what it was called. There were teaspoons, and tablespoons, and dessert spoons, and soup spoons, but this was way beyond any of those. This was a spoon so big Claire couldn’t help but hold it up and admire it.
“Are you going to eat any of that?” Father Christmas asked.
“Or are you just going to stare at your stupid big head in that stupid big spoon all day?” the angel asked.
“BLURGH BLURGH BLURGH BLURGH BLURGH” the reindeer said, before explaining that custard was 90% vomit and 10% sick and if you ate it you’d become 90% vomit and 10% sick yourself. Forever.
Claire ignored all this. She simply smiled, turned round to check that Agnes and Agnes’s mum weren’t looking, then quickly stuck her huge spoon in the chocolate spread, scooped out half the jar, ate it in one delicious mouthful, then dumped the spoon in the custard to hide any evidence of her crimes.
“Finished!” Claire said, looking so pleased with herself it was kind of surprising she hadn’t turned into a cat.
“But you haven’t eaten any on it,” Agnes said, as Claire marched triumphantly out of the room. “What a waste.”
“I’ll have it!” Father Christmas, the angel and the reindeer all said at once, together, searching through the spoons to see if there were any more of the really big ones.
Re: A Cast Of Characters
Tale #141 is delightful, and I like Tale #140, also!
Re: A Cast Of Characters
tale 140 was a panic written episode when i realised earlier this afternoon that i hadn't written one for today at all
Re: A Cast Of Characters
You are like Enid Blyton in that way! Except without the racism. 
Re: A Cast Of Characters
Tales from The Town #143: May Days
Unexpected sunshine after several months of rain. Bird song and insect buzz. Ice cream van jingle burrowing deep within your brain. If you look closely you can see the grass growing beneath your feet almost in real time.
New month, new life. The perfect time to reappear.
https://accumulationofthings.com/things ... -may-days/
(apologies for prolonged absences)
Unexpected sunshine after several months of rain. Bird song and insect buzz. Ice cream van jingle burrowing deep within your brain. If you look closely you can see the grass growing beneath your feet almost in real time.
New month, new life. The perfect time to reappear.
https://accumulationofthings.com/things ... -may-days/
(apologies for prolonged absences)
Re: A Cast Of Characters
Very nice!
Also: "If you look closely you can see the grass growing beneath your feet almost in real time."
Very true!
*thumbs up*
Also: "If you look closely you can see the grass growing beneath your feet almost in real time."
Very true!
*thumbs up*
Re: A Cast Of Characters
Tales from The Town #144: Absences, Abandonments
https://accumulationofthings.com/things ... ndonments/
“How was your father?” Agnes asked the children when they’d got back from the beach.
“We don’t know,” said Tina.
“He wasn’t there,” said Ethel.
“He was gone!” said Daniel.
“What do you mean, gone?”
“We mean he was gone,” said Daniel.
“He wasn’t there,” said Ethel.
“Well where was he then?”
“We don’t know,” said Tina. “Maybe he swam off after the mermaid.”
“Maybe the crabs ate him,” said Ethel.
“Maybe he went to the moon!” said Daniel, italicising things excitedly. “To live with Nanny!”
“Yeah, I don’t think that’s very likely,” Agnes said. “Maybe he just went for a walk.”
“But all his stuff’s gone too,” said Tina.
“Even that robot he was building out of that dead doll and one of the lodger’s old phones,” said Ethel. “It was like he hadn’t been there in months.”
“It was like he’d never been there AT ALL!” said Daniel, boldly. “Even the cave was gone!”
“The cave wasn’t gone at all, Daniel,” Ethel said.
“But imagine if it was!” he replied. “The cave and the crabs and the beach and the sea and the sky and the moon and the night and the day! That’d explain everything then.”
“Well, I’m sure he’ll turn up somewhere,” Agnes said. “There’s no need to worry just yet.”
“We’re not worried, Mum,” said Tina.
“We’re not worried at all,” said Ethel.
“Maybe he’s gone to live in an abyss,” said Daniel, who liked the word abyss quite a lot. “Maybe he’s gone to live in an abyss on the moon!”
The three of them ran off to play on the swing, and Agnes was left alone with Claire. Claire hadn’t said a word since they’d come back from the beach. She was simply sitting there at the kitchen table, petting the cat with one hand and brushing her hair with the other with such concentrated intensity the whole house crackled with static and barely suppressed fury.
https://accumulationofthings.com/things ... ndonments/
“How was your father?” Agnes asked the children when they’d got back from the beach.
“We don’t know,” said Tina.
“He wasn’t there,” said Ethel.
“He was gone!” said Daniel.
“What do you mean, gone?”
“We mean he was gone,” said Daniel.
“He wasn’t there,” said Ethel.
“Well where was he then?”
“We don’t know,” said Tina. “Maybe he swam off after the mermaid.”
“Maybe the crabs ate him,” said Ethel.
“Maybe he went to the moon!” said Daniel, italicising things excitedly. “To live with Nanny!”
“Yeah, I don’t think that’s very likely,” Agnes said. “Maybe he just went for a walk.”
“But all his stuff’s gone too,” said Tina.
“Even that robot he was building out of that dead doll and one of the lodger’s old phones,” said Ethel. “It was like he hadn’t been there in months.”
“It was like he’d never been there AT ALL!” said Daniel, boldly. “Even the cave was gone!”
“The cave wasn’t gone at all, Daniel,” Ethel said.
“But imagine if it was!” he replied. “The cave and the crabs and the beach and the sea and the sky and the moon and the night and the day! That’d explain everything then.”
“Well, I’m sure he’ll turn up somewhere,” Agnes said. “There’s no need to worry just yet.”
“We’re not worried, Mum,” said Tina.
“We’re not worried at all,” said Ethel.
“Maybe he’s gone to live in an abyss,” said Daniel, who liked the word abyss quite a lot. “Maybe he’s gone to live in an abyss on the moon!”
The three of them ran off to play on the swing, and Agnes was left alone with Claire. Claire hadn’t said a word since they’d come back from the beach. She was simply sitting there at the kitchen table, petting the cat with one hand and brushing her hair with the other with such concentrated intensity the whole house crackled with static and barely suppressed fury.
Re: A Cast Of Characters
Tales From The Town #145: All Alone In An Endless Forest
some days you could walk in here forever and never see the same thing twice
and on others
never see anything new
just the same trees
endlessly
forever
no matter how far you went
no matter how much you yearned
for something else
to appear
some days you could walk in here forever and never see the same thing twice
and on others
never see anything new
just the same trees
endlessly
forever
no matter how far you went
no matter how much you yearned
for something else
to appear
Re: A Cast Of Characters
and a bonus one for tomorrow when i'm not here
Tales From The Town #146: Snooker
“What are you watching?”
“Snooker.”
“What?”
“Snooker.”
“Snooker is not a word, Daniel.”
“It’s a game.”
“It’s not even a game, Daniel. They don’t show games on TV!”
“It’s a sport, Claire.”
“It’s definitely not a sport, Tina.”
“It is.”
“It isn’t! They’re not even wearing trainers. And they’re wearing trousers.”
“You’re not even wearing trainers or trousers!”
“Shut up, Ethel.”
“You shut up, Claire!”
“And anyway, if it IS a sport, why are they all so old?”
“Claire!”
“What now Daniel?”
“That’s so rude!”
“It is not rude. Just look at them. They look like ghosts in a haunted hotel!”
“There’s no such thing as ghosts, Claire.”
“I know that, Ethel! And I never said there was! So there!”
“You did!”
“I did not!”
“You did!”
“I did not!”
(repeat until end of frame)
Tales From The Town #146: Snooker
“What are you watching?”
“Snooker.”
“What?”
“Snooker.”
“Snooker is not a word, Daniel.”
“It’s a game.”
“It’s not even a game, Daniel. They don’t show games on TV!”
“It’s a sport, Claire.”
“It’s definitely not a sport, Tina.”
“It is.”
“It isn’t! They’re not even wearing trainers. And they’re wearing trousers.”
“You’re not even wearing trainers or trousers!”
“Shut up, Ethel.”
“You shut up, Claire!”
“And anyway, if it IS a sport, why are they all so old?”
“Claire!”
“What now Daniel?”
“That’s so rude!”
“It is not rude. Just look at them. They look like ghosts in a haunted hotel!”
“There’s no such thing as ghosts, Claire.”
“I know that, Ethel! And I never said there was! So there!”
“You did!”
“I did not!”
“You did!”
“I did not!”
(repeat until end of frame)
Re: A Cast Of Characters
Excellent stuff, Sir!
"Just look at them. They look like ghosts in a haunted hotel!"
This tickled me rather a lot!
"Just look at them. They look like ghosts in a haunted hotel!"
This tickled me rather a lot!
Re: A Cast Of Characters
Tales From The Town #147: The Castle
It was easy to forget there was a castle on the hill above the town, and down the hill beside the town, and at the bottom of the hill beneath the town, beneath the hedges, beneath the bushes, beneath the tall grass, beneath the short grass, beneath the wildflowers, beneath the weeds, beneath the dust and the dirt beneath our feet.
But it was there. It was there.
It was easy to forget there was a castle on the hill above the town, and down the hill beside the town, and at the bottom of the hill beneath the town, beneath the hedges, beneath the bushes, beneath the tall grass, beneath the short grass, beneath the wildflowers, beneath the weeds, beneath the dust and the dirt beneath our feet.
But it was there. It was there.
Re: A Cast Of Characters
Tales From The Town #148: Bank Holiday Monday
“I can’t believe we don’t have to go to stupid school today!” beamed Claire. “On a Monday! That’s never happened before! Ever!”
“It literally happened last month, Claire,” Tina said.
“No it didn’t,” Claire said.
“At Easter,” Ethel replied.
“We didn’t have Monday off then,” Claire said, bolstering her earlier argument with facts. “We had the whole week off.”
“Twice,” said Daniel, nodding enthusiastically (and also knowledgeably).
“Exactly,” said Claire. “So there!”
“I can’t believe we don’t have to go to stupid school today!” beamed Claire. “On a Monday! That’s never happened before! Ever!”
“It literally happened last month, Claire,” Tina said.
“No it didn’t,” Claire said.
“At Easter,” Ethel replied.
“We didn’t have Monday off then,” Claire said, bolstering her earlier argument with facts. “We had the whole week off.”
“Twice,” said Daniel, nodding enthusiastically (and also knowledgeably).
“Exactly,” said Claire. “So there!”
Re: A Cast Of Characters
Delightful!
Re: A Cast Of Characters
I likes how you've laid that out - huzzah!
Re: A Cast Of Characters
The Tales Of The Town 150th Episode Anniversary Tale
https://accumulationofthings.com/things ... ing-tales/
Tales From The Town #150: Telling Tales
“Rapunzel grew up to be the most beautiful girl in the world. On her 12th birthday, her father the king gave her to the witch in the woods, who locked her up in a tall tower with no doors nor stairs, and only one small window rightat the top, high above the trees of the forest, which stretched out all around from horizon to horizon, for that was how far away from anywhere else in the world she was now, and all for her own safety, or so the king had said to her.”
“What? Why the hell would he do that?”
“Claire! Don’t swear!” Tina said.
“I was not swearing! And I still don’t understand why the king would do that to his own daughter!” Claire said.
“Because he did!” Ethel said.
“But why?”
“That’s the story! That’s why!”
“But it doesn’t make any sense!”
“Stories don’t have to make sense, Claire,” said Tina.
“They do!” said Claire. “Otherwise what’s the point? ‘Oooooh! And then the king looked her up in the tower and then the tower turned into rocket and the rocket flew into the sun!'”
“And then the sun exploded!” Daniel said.
“Shut up, Daniel,” Claire said. “I was making a point. You’re not supposed to agree with me.”
“I think,” said Agnes, carefully. “That the king is trying to keep Rapunzel from running off with a boy.”
“What? Why? When? How?” Claire spluttered. “No girl would ever run off with a boy. Boys are awful.”
“Don’t listen to her, Daniel,” Tina said.
“I don’t,” said Daniel. “And won’t.”
“You will,” said Claire. “And they are! What about Ted? Or that new boy?”
“What new boy?” Agnes asked.
“You know, that one who joined our class that time,” Claire said. “Who was new.”
“When was this?”
“I don’t know,” Claire said. “About two years ago or something.”
“Oh him,” Tina said.
“He’s not new,” said Ethel.
“He was,” said Claire.
“And he’s quite nice,” said Daniel.
“No he’s not,” said Claire.
“He likes clouds,” said Daniel.
“Exactly,” said Claire.
“Liking clouds is cool,” said Daniel.
“No it’s not,” said Claire. “Liking clouds is stupid.”
“You’re stupid,” said Ethel. “You don’t even understand the passage of time.”
“Yeah, well you don’t even understand that boys are awful and I’m not running off with any of them,” said Claire. “Especially not Dad!”
“Look, no one’s running off with your dad, so can we get back to the story?” Agnes asked. “Please?”
“Okay.”
“Okay.” “Okay.”
“Urgh, okay Mum,” Claire said.
“Good, thank you,” Agnes said. “‘Now, the only way the king or the witch could get into the tower was by standing beneath her window and saying, “Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair.” The princess would then let down her long lustrous hair, which was as bright as gold and stronger than steel, and whoever was below would climb up her hair into the tower.'”
“What? WHY? HOW!!!!!?” Claire’s face got redder and redder with every syllable. “That’s… so…. STUPID!!!!”
“You’re so stupid, Claire,” said Ethel.
“And I thought that was quite clever,” said Tina.
“Long hair is cool!” said Daniel, shaking his hair that was like a viking’s hair around and around quite dangerously, really (although no one was harmed or even came close to harm).
“It’s not clever even slightly,” said Claire. “If this idiot Rapunzel was so clever she would have climbed down her own hair and escaped instead of just sitting there and letting someone else climb up it just because they asked.”
“She can’t climb down her own hair, Claire,” said Tina. “It’s attached to her own head.”
“She could cut it off!”
“She can’t,” said Ethel. “It’s magic hair.”
“And stronger than steel!” said Daniel.
“Also her dad didn’t leave her any scissors,” said Tina. “And neither did the witch.”
“You don’t know that,” Claire said. “You’re just making that up.”
“So that’s why her hair’s so long,” Daniel said. “It makes so much sense!”
“No it doesn’t” Claire said. “She could have used her fingernails.”
“But they’re not magic,” said Ethel.
“And they’re weaker than steel,” said Daniel.
“Also maybe she bites them,” said Tina, looking slightly nervously at her own fingers.
“She could use her toenails then!” Claire said, triumphantly. “No one bites their toenails.”
This time, Tina didn’t say a word in Rapuznel’s defence, although she did look nervously down at her socks for a moment or two.
“Ha!” Claire shouted, pointing at her sister very vigorously indeed. “Tina bites her toenails! I knew it! I knew it!”
“Shut up, Claire,” said Ethel. “You’re so stupid you wouldn’t even know HOW to bite your toenails!”
“I would!” Claire said, quickly pulling her socks off to show off her own toe biting skills, which were surprisingly adept. “See? I could totally bite my own toenails if I wanted to!”
“Ewwww,” Daniel said. “I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all!”
“Yes, please don’t do that, Claire,” Agnes said.
“I didn’t!” said Claire, indignantly, her foot still suspiciously close to her own mouth. “But Tina did!”
“I didn’t do anything,” Tina said quietly.
“You did!”
“She didn’t Claire!”
“She did!”
“SHE DIDN’T!”
“YOU ALL DID!”
Agnes took off her glasses and closed the book with a sigh. “One day the tower flew off into space,” she said to herself while everyone else squabbled for what felt like the 150th time. “And that was the end of that.”
https://accumulationofthings.com/things ... ing-tales/
Tales From The Town #150: Telling Tales
“Rapunzel grew up to be the most beautiful girl in the world. On her 12th birthday, her father the king gave her to the witch in the woods, who locked her up in a tall tower with no doors nor stairs, and only one small window rightat the top, high above the trees of the forest, which stretched out all around from horizon to horizon, for that was how far away from anywhere else in the world she was now, and all for her own safety, or so the king had said to her.”
“What? Why the hell would he do that?”
“Claire! Don’t swear!” Tina said.
“I was not swearing! And I still don’t understand why the king would do that to his own daughter!” Claire said.
“Because he did!” Ethel said.
“But why?”
“That’s the story! That’s why!”
“But it doesn’t make any sense!”
“Stories don’t have to make sense, Claire,” said Tina.
“They do!” said Claire. “Otherwise what’s the point? ‘Oooooh! And then the king looked her up in the tower and then the tower turned into rocket and the rocket flew into the sun!'”
“And then the sun exploded!” Daniel said.
“Shut up, Daniel,” Claire said. “I was making a point. You’re not supposed to agree with me.”
“I think,” said Agnes, carefully. “That the king is trying to keep Rapunzel from running off with a boy.”
“What? Why? When? How?” Claire spluttered. “No girl would ever run off with a boy. Boys are awful.”
“Don’t listen to her, Daniel,” Tina said.
“I don’t,” said Daniel. “And won’t.”
“You will,” said Claire. “And they are! What about Ted? Or that new boy?”
“What new boy?” Agnes asked.
“You know, that one who joined our class that time,” Claire said. “Who was new.”
“When was this?”
“I don’t know,” Claire said. “About two years ago or something.”
“Oh him,” Tina said.
“He’s not new,” said Ethel.
“He was,” said Claire.
“And he’s quite nice,” said Daniel.
“No he’s not,” said Claire.
“He likes clouds,” said Daniel.
“Exactly,” said Claire.
“Liking clouds is cool,” said Daniel.
“No it’s not,” said Claire. “Liking clouds is stupid.”
“You’re stupid,” said Ethel. “You don’t even understand the passage of time.”
“Yeah, well you don’t even understand that boys are awful and I’m not running off with any of them,” said Claire. “Especially not Dad!”
“Look, no one’s running off with your dad, so can we get back to the story?” Agnes asked. “Please?”
“Okay.”
“Okay.” “Okay.”
“Urgh, okay Mum,” Claire said.
“Good, thank you,” Agnes said. “‘Now, the only way the king or the witch could get into the tower was by standing beneath her window and saying, “Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair.” The princess would then let down her long lustrous hair, which was as bright as gold and stronger than steel, and whoever was below would climb up her hair into the tower.'”
“What? WHY? HOW!!!!!?” Claire’s face got redder and redder with every syllable. “That’s… so…. STUPID!!!!”
“You’re so stupid, Claire,” said Ethel.
“And I thought that was quite clever,” said Tina.
“Long hair is cool!” said Daniel, shaking his hair that was like a viking’s hair around and around quite dangerously, really (although no one was harmed or even came close to harm).
“It’s not clever even slightly,” said Claire. “If this idiot Rapunzel was so clever she would have climbed down her own hair and escaped instead of just sitting there and letting someone else climb up it just because they asked.”
“She can’t climb down her own hair, Claire,” said Tina. “It’s attached to her own head.”
“She could cut it off!”
“She can’t,” said Ethel. “It’s magic hair.”
“And stronger than steel!” said Daniel.
“Also her dad didn’t leave her any scissors,” said Tina. “And neither did the witch.”
“You don’t know that,” Claire said. “You’re just making that up.”
“So that’s why her hair’s so long,” Daniel said. “It makes so much sense!”
“No it doesn’t” Claire said. “She could have used her fingernails.”
“But they’re not magic,” said Ethel.
“And they’re weaker than steel,” said Daniel.
“Also maybe she bites them,” said Tina, looking slightly nervously at her own fingers.
“She could use her toenails then!” Claire said, triumphantly. “No one bites their toenails.”
This time, Tina didn’t say a word in Rapuznel’s defence, although she did look nervously down at her socks for a moment or two.
“Ha!” Claire shouted, pointing at her sister very vigorously indeed. “Tina bites her toenails! I knew it! I knew it!”
“Shut up, Claire,” said Ethel. “You’re so stupid you wouldn’t even know HOW to bite your toenails!”
“I would!” Claire said, quickly pulling her socks off to show off her own toe biting skills, which were surprisingly adept. “See? I could totally bite my own toenails if I wanted to!”
“Ewwww,” Daniel said. “I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all!”
“Yes, please don’t do that, Claire,” Agnes said.
“I didn’t!” said Claire, indignantly, her foot still suspiciously close to her own mouth. “But Tina did!”
“I didn’t do anything,” Tina said quietly.
“You did!”
“She didn’t Claire!”
“She did!”
“SHE DIDN’T!”
“YOU ALL DID!”
Agnes took off her glasses and closed the book with a sigh. “One day the tower flew off into space,” she said to herself while everyone else squabbled for what felt like the 150th time. “And that was the end of that.”