Joke thread

Gravid · Post by **Gravid** » Wed Mar 10, 2021 9:30 pm

My son has become mildly obsessed with the incredible hulk recently. He likes to stomp around saying he is a big scary hulk and doing "angry eyebrows". He is 2 and a half. Anyway he had a bruise on his leg, and he asked his mum what it was, and his mum said it's a bruise, and he thought about it and said it was a "Bruise Banner".

Anyway I thought it was a very successful joke does anyone else have any jokes.

Post by **Chortle Hound** » Wed Mar 10, 2021 9:36 pm

Haha. Good boy.

Post by **endar** » Wed Mar 10, 2021 9:38 pm

my egg is amused

Post by **richschnauzer** » Wed Mar 10, 2021 9:38 pm

hooray

Post by **endar** » Wed Mar 10, 2021 9:39 pm

when i was 4 i would hide behind the sofa whenever david banner started to hulk into lou ferringo

kids today seem to know no fear

Post by **Bruce Sato** » Wed Mar 10, 2021 9:42 pm

Best son.

Post by **dng** » Wed Mar 10, 2021 10:52 pm

Post by **dng** » Wed Mar 10, 2021 10:52 pm

do you think maybe homfrus is the father?

Gravid · Post by **Gravid** » Wed Mar 10, 2021 11:14 pm

No one else has offered any jokes.

Gravid · Post by **Gravid** » Wed Mar 10, 2021 11:14 pm

Where does astronaut keep egg?

Post by **dng** » Wed Mar 10, 2021 11:18 pm

cheeks

Post by **vom** » Wed Mar 10, 2021 11:20 pm

Pouch, I imagine

Post by **dng** » Wed Mar 10, 2021 11:21 pm

Q. what is egg
A. egg

Post by **dng** » Wed Mar 10, 2021 11:21 pm

Q. where is egg
A. egg

Post by **dng** » Wed Mar 10, 2021 11:21 pm

Q. why is egg
A. CONTEXT ERROR

An Unicorn · Post by **An Unicorn** » Wed Mar 10, 2021 11:58 pm

Gravid wrote: ↑Wed Mar 10, 2021 11:14 pm No one else has offered any jokes.

Jokes are no laughing matter

Post by **vom** » Thu Mar 11, 2021 12:02 am

Q. Why did the professor cross the road?
A. Experiment

Post by **dng** » Thu Mar 11, 2021 12:05 am

Q. Why did the experiment cross the road.
A. Attempt at escape

Post by **vom** » Thu Mar 11, 2021 12:07 am

Q. What is the eleventh commandment?
A. "Thou shalt not coax an eel"

An Unicorn · Post by **An Unicorn** » Thu Mar 11, 2021 12:08 am

The Wolfram|Alpha "knowledge engine" will tell you terrible science/mathematics jokes if you ask for one.

Q:Why did the chicken cross the Möbius Strip?
A: To get to the other--erm...

Post by **endar** » Thu Mar 11, 2021 12:13 am

Q. Conan! What is best in life?
A. Crisps

Post by **blombluss** » Thu Mar 11, 2021 1:27 am

I like Gravid's son's jokk!

Also, end music on original Inedible Hilk used to make me cry, and even now can deliver proto liquid to the edge of my eye slots.

Post by **blombluss** » Thu Mar 11, 2021 1:31 am

Time running backwards scientists fault
Time running backwards who?
Time running backwards
Who's there?
[Knock knock]

Post by **Mrak** » Thu Mar 11, 2021 9:32 am

Why does Graham Linehan hate super heroes?

Because they're X-Men.

Post by **Mrak** » Thu Mar 11, 2021 9:32 am

I just thought of that when I picked up an xmen game up from off the floor.

Gravid · Post by **Gravid** » Thu Mar 11, 2021 1:58 pm

egg cuoboaird

An Unicorn · Post by **An Unicorn** » Thu Mar 11, 2021 2:03 pm

Oh no david has contracted irish orthography

Post by **blombluss** » Thu Mar 11, 2021 4:13 pm

My career is on the rocks...

Oh dear. Why?
Because I'm a professional rock climber!!!
Ha ha!

Post by **vom** » Thu Mar 11, 2021 4:25 pm

That reminds me of this joke that I've just made up.

"whisky please"
"would you like it on the rocks, sir?"
"no I believe I will continue to sit on this stool by the bar"

Post by **blombluss** » Thu Mar 11, 2021 4:30 pm

That punchline is chucklesome! The whole, 'no I believe I will continue to sit on...'

Gravid · Post by **Gravid** » Thu Mar 11, 2021 9:00 pm

And then the '...this stool by the bar'.

Gravid · Post by **Gravid** » Thu Mar 11, 2021 9:02 pm

Post by **vom** » Thu Mar 11, 2021 9:17 pm

haha, "stool"

Post by **dng** » Thu Mar 11, 2021 9:23 pm

I also though the first line was very impressive

Post by **dng** » Thu Mar 11, 2021 9:23 pm

the middle could be improved a bit though

Post by **vom** » Thu Mar 11, 2021 9:27 pm

don't fuck with my art

Post by **dng** » Thu Mar 11, 2021 9:35 pm

dng has been warned, banned, exiled, destroyed

Post by **richschnauzer** » Thu Mar 11, 2021 10:27 pm

There's a Twitter account dedicated to these jokes it's great

https://twitter.com/KidsWriteJokes/stat ... 92070?s=19

Post by **dng** » Thu Mar 11, 2021 11:16 pm

out doen by children yet again

An Unicorn · Post by **An Unicorn** » Thu Mar 11, 2021 11:21 pm

Perhaps one day we will finally be able to design one of those neural networks that creates nonsensical children's jokes better than children ever could

An Unicorn · Post by **An Unicorn** » Thu Mar 11, 2021 11:22 pm

And then n3ta will truly be obsolete

Post by **blombluss** » Fri Mar 12, 2021 12:25 am

Sheesh, what an ugly building!
Gaudi?
Not just that, but vulgar, too.

Post by **blombluss** » Fri Mar 12, 2021 2:11 am

vom wrote: ↑Thu Mar 11, 2021 9:27 pmdon't fuck with my art

So says Paul Simon!

Post by **blombluss** » Fri Mar 12, 2021 2:20 am

What do you get if you cross a window with a forthright heavyweight boxer?

Glassius Clay!

Post by **endar** » Fri Mar 12, 2021 1:19 pm

Q. What do you call a mans who masturbates at a petrol station?

A. A Total Wanker!

Post by **blombluss** » Fri Mar 12, 2021 3:01 pm

What do you get if you cross a petrol station with a member of The A-Team?

BP Baracus!!!

Post by **Pual** » Sun Jan 22, 2023 2:38 pm

I went to see Stewart Lee last night and he told at least two jokes. Although one was a joke that he said Barry Crier told him as a birthday present.

Post by **Pual** » Sun Jan 22, 2023 2:39 pm

Needless to say I demanded my money back.

Post by **Pual** » Sun Jan 22, 2023 2:40 pm

To further clarify, he was on tour, I wasn’t just spying on him.

Post by **Pual** » Sun Jan 22, 2023 2:40 pm

That’s tonight…