I was a witch once. I used to help out in the summer, when the tourists were here, and the covens couldn’t cope with demand. I did luck spells mostly, lucky in love, lucky in spite, lucky in fruit machines, that sort of thing.
I don’t do it anymore. The covens have all closed down now. Everything’s online these days. Some old witch out there in her hut on the marsh can’t cope with some streamlined Russian wish farm or whatever. Now it’s all spells delivered by email spam, targeted facebook ads, unsolicited twitter DMs. No need anymore to slip something in someone’s tea. You can reach anyone.
It’s not the same, of course. But then again what is?
I Was A Witch Once
Re: I Was A Witch Once
i'm not sure why i wrote that but i did
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richschnauzer
- Posts: 1073
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Re: I Was A Witch Once
I also
Like it
Like it
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richschnauzer
- Posts: 1073
- Joined: Wed Mar 10, 2021 8:26 am
Re: I Was A Witch Once
Most pleasing!dng wrote: ↑Sat Sep 04, 2021 2:45 pm I was a witch once. I used to help out in the summer, when the tourists were here, and the covens couldn’t cope with demand. I did luck spells mostly, lucky in love, lucky in spite, lucky in fruit machines, that sort of thing.
I don’t do it anymore. The covens have all closed down now. Everything’s online these days. Some old witch out there in her hut on the marsh can’t cope with some streamlined Russian wish farm or whatever. Now it’s all spells delivered by email spam, targeted facebook ads, unsolicited twitter DMs. No need anymore to slip something in someone’s tea. You can reach anyone.
It’s not the same, of course. But then again what is?
Re: I Was A Witch Once
Hooray. I hadn't weirdly
Re: I Was A Witch Once
If I had I'd have applied
Re: I Was A Witch Once
Also thanksou homfrus, vom
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CandyDarling
- Posts: 410
- Joined: Wed Mar 10, 2021 4:18 am
Re: I Was A Witch Once
I also really liked this little story. The bit about "wish farms" hits close to home in a weird way. And sorry for the delay in reading it, I didn't scroll down far enough before
Re: I Was A Witch Once
Hooray, thank you
Re: I Was A Witch Once
Satirical Fables
https://accumulationofthings.com/things ... al-fables/
I don’t know if this genre actually has a name, but I very much enjoy books where the protagonist finds themselves in some strange new country or world that is, in part of in whole, an absurd and grotesque parody of our own. Gulliver’s Travels, most famously, and also Erewhon, Kappa, Cat Country, and more probably. (Does Alice in Wonderland count? I am going to arbitrarily decide that…. it does!)
Anyway, this morning I woke up in Great Britain in 2021…
https://accumulationofthings.com/things ... al-fables/
I don’t know if this genre actually has a name, but I very much enjoy books where the protagonist finds themselves in some strange new country or world that is, in part of in whole, an absurd and grotesque parody of our own. Gulliver’s Travels, most famously, and also Erewhon, Kappa, Cat Country, and more probably. (Does Alice in Wonderland count? I am going to arbitrarily decide that…. it does!)
Anyway, this morning I woke up in Great Britain in 2021…
Re: I Was A Witch Once
my best ever pnchline
Re: I Was A Witch Once
dng goes BOOM!
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CandyDarling
- Posts: 410
- Joined: Wed Mar 10, 2021 4:18 am
Re: I Was A Witch Once
Actually, after reading that I remembered that last night I came up with a joke. It's a bit contrived, but that didn't stop me putting it on my Patreon:
https://www.patreon.com/posts/56513068
https://www.patreon.com/posts/56513068
Re: I Was A Witch Once
I like "VVitch". Dunno why, but I do. 
Re: I Was A Witch Once
A subtle joke, there, Michelle. 
Re: I Was A Witch Once
Human Heads Replaced By Television Sets
They’re everywhere now. You see them more and more. Humans with their heads replaced by television sets. It was disconcerting once but now it’s not. You get used to anything eventually.
They’re always old cumbersome CRT TVs for some reason. I don’t know why. Perhaps to maintain the illusion that there might still be a human head in there. A costume, some post-modern joke. Rather than an invasion.
On the bus they talk to me. At least in public I can walk away, but not here. It is impossible to escape. Snippets of television news cut up into sentences. Messages of despair and hopelessness delivered via nice suits, tone-neutralised voices, neatly brushed hair, wry smiles.
I think they’re trying to wear us down until we give up.
They’re everywhere now. You see them more and more. Humans with their heads replaced by television sets. It was disconcerting once but now it’s not. You get used to anything eventually.
They’re always old cumbersome CRT TVs for some reason. I don’t know why. Perhaps to maintain the illusion that there might still be a human head in there. A costume, some post-modern joke. Rather than an invasion.
On the bus they talk to me. At least in public I can walk away, but not here. It is impossible to escape. Snippets of television news cut up into sentences. Messages of despair and hopelessness delivered via nice suits, tone-neutralised voices, neatly brushed hair, wry smiles.
I think they’re trying to wear us down until we give up.
Re: I Was A Witch Once
Rather fine work, that, Davo!
Re: I Was A Witch Once
also i wrote that because my nephew recently was freaked out by the cover image on this book i was reading and kept saying how weird and scary it was
and ever since all i could think of was why hasn't doctor who had people with televsion sets for heads as baddies yet
- 66663._UY475_SS475_.jpg (30.33 KiB) Viewed 1013 times
Re: I Was A Witch Once
though they probably have and i've just forgotten
Re: I Was A Witch Once
I like it! And the television set head baddies could communicate via TV/Film clips, in a mad edit mashup stylee.