n3ta

who knows

And another: The House (mild horror): https://accumulationofthings.com/things ... the-house/

dng wrote: Sun Aug 30, 2026 2:25 pm here's a couple of old short stories from 2013 i just found that i don't think i ever put anywhere before

A Daughter’s Elegy For Her Mother At The Burning Of Her Bones (fantasy bollocks): https://accumulationofthings.com/things ... her-bones/
A Party (domestic misery): https://accumulationofthings.com/things ... 1/a-party/

The link to A Party is borken, Davuss.

Also A Daughter’s Elegy... was a good (und engrossing) read.

oh. this one should work: https://accumulationofthings.com/things ... 0/a-party/

also thank you

A couple more

https://accumulationofthings.com/things ... -our-gaze/
https://accumulationofthings.com/things ... came-back/
https://accumulationofthings.com/things ... w-display/

i've been going through all my old stuff, obviously

i assume most of these were written for essex terror and then nnot posted due to the severe lack of jokes

maybe they were rejected by the editor for not being good enough

fuck you ted

they were waiting for the toby vok intro

dng wrote: Sun Aug 30, 2026 9:28 pm oh. this one should work: https://accumulationofthings.com/things ... 0/a-party/

I liked it, but it made me tense!

Tales From The Town #243: Big School

“Big school! Big school! We’re all going to Big School!” Daniel sang as he carefully avoided the puddles that had mysteriously appeared overnight. “I’ve never even been down this path before. It’s like an adventure. On the way to school!”

“I don’t know what you’re so excited about, Daniel,” Claire said, as she carefully unavoided the puddles that had mysteriously appeared overnight. “This path’s just as stupid as the old path and big school is just as bad as our old school. Which was AWFUL!”

“You haven’t even been to the big school yet, Claire, ” said Agnes, as she carefully avoided telling Claire to carefully avoid the puddles that had mysteriously appeared overnight. “It might be nice.”

“It might be not,” said Claire. “And where are Tina and Ethel anyway?!”

“Their school doesn’t start until 9,” said Agnes, as she tentatively stepped over a smashed up garden fence. “And it’s nearer.”

“Urgh! That is so unfair!” Claire said, as she crunched her way satisfyingly across loads of broken glass. “No wonder they looked so smug eating their stupid cereal!”

“But they finish an hour later at Nice School,” Daniel said, limboing under a street sign that a car had half knocked down. “So we win!”

“At best that’s a draw,” Claire said. “And you’re forgetting detention, Daniel.”

“Perhaps you could try and not get put in detention this year, Claire,” Agnes suggested helpfully.

“Why would I do that?” Claire said, stomping extra hard in the final few puddles before the gates. “Detention’s the best bit.”

Huzzah, except for detention - it was never the best bit.

i was too nice a boy to ever have detention obviously

(also that was vaguely in reference to this bit about being in detention here - https://accumulationofthings.com/things ... pes-27-30/ )

from four years ago

i can't beleive you didn't remember that homfrus

500 Words

https://accumulationofthings.com/things ... 500-words/

I wrote this in 2010, although have no recollection of it at all

presumably it was supppose dto be satire, but now it barely even reads like fiction at all

i assume this was my ultra literal response to one of those "write a 500 word story" threads we used to have on old n3ta

dng wrote: Thu Sep 03, 2026 12:46 pm i was too nice a boy to ever have detention obviously

I got lunch detention for popping a bag of chisps

dng wrote: Thu Sep 03, 2026 12:56 pm (also that was vaguely in reference to this bit about being in detention here - https://accumulationofthings.com/things ... pes-27-30/ )

Ah!

Your detention stroy is the new Breakfast Club, and I've already been in contact with Simple Minds via a very official looking Hotmail email address, to licence Don't You Forget About Me.

Don't You (Forget About Hotmail)

Tales From the Town #244: A Floorplan Of The Library

Roof

Pigeons

Top Floor

Maps
Manuals

Middle Floor

Encyclopaedias
Dictionaries

Ground Floor

Fiction
Newspapers

Basement

Children’s Books
Computers (out of service)
Classical CDs

Beneath The Basement

Misc Books (banned)
Misc Books (buried)
Misc Books (bloodstained)

Beneath Even That

Dust
Dirt
Bones
Ash

I wish to check out these 5 pigeons please

just remember to bring them back on time otherwise you'll have to pay a fine

A Floorplan Of The Library and a FLOORPLAN FOR LIFE ITSELF!

Hurrah!