n3ta

Hello

I may have accidentally won an election

Are you the new president?

also hooray

I have been elected Backup Queen until Ol' Lizzo emerges from her cocoon

It appears to be the District Judge of Elections, which sounds vaguely important, but apparently just means I verify the number of names entered in the rolls equals the number of votes cast, then drive the results back to the county seat

I could literally be replaced by an old modem

And not even a good one, one of those shit 2400bps ones

My wife and I were talking on the way in and saying we would write each other in for any write-in ballots and she said "don't vote for me, I hate people, I sure as hell don't want to work for them!" and I said "fine I'll write myself in!"

And that two-vote landslide put me in a three-way tie.

To be decided by "casting lots," which here apparently means giving everyone a bingo ball, then pulling one and awarding the victory to whoever has the closest number.

I found out about this a week after the tiebreaker actually happened because I don't check my mail very often

I called and they said they were still working on tabulating all the results of the local tiebreakers

3 days ago

Don't worry fellas, the system isn't laughably broken

True freedom and democrazy there

just as the founding patriarchs dreamed of

Excellent. I thought writing your own name in was some sort of film idea that didn't actually exist

I'm not sure why this isn't just a volunteer position like the rest of the polling place ones are, but what the hell, why not

I'm sure if it was actually valuable one or both parties would have put up a candidate for it so i can't go too mad with power

But I'm not about to let that stop me

I, for one, welcome our new terrifying tyrant!

Its about time we had a strong leader round here

ves. a strong leader who likes puns.

NO JOKES

Unfortunately it looks like I did not win the elections.

I will have to take over the world by brute force instead.

Weeep

Boooooo! Get the army out, Unicornvuss! Shoot the traitors in their anuses!