A Cast Of Characters
Re: A Cast Of Characters
running low on ideas now clearly
Re: A Cast Of Characters
but there's only a week to go
Re: A Cast Of Characters
Tales From The Town #166: How To Catch A Vampire
“Urgh! What are you doing, Daniel?”
“I’m trying to see if you’re a vampire!”
“And tickling my neck with a flower proves that how?”
“I’m not tickling your neck. I’m trying to see if you like butter.”
“Of course I like butter. Everyone likes butter! You don’t need a flower to know that!”
“But I need to know for certain. You might be lying about liking butter.”
“Why would I lie about liking butter, Daniel?”
“Vampires don’t like butter. That’s how you can tell they’re vampires.”
“What? Where did you hear that?”
“Vampire website.”
“Urgh! What are you doing, Daniel?”
“I’m trying to see if you’re a vampire!”
“And tickling my neck with a flower proves that how?”
“I’m not tickling your neck. I’m trying to see if you like butter.”
“Of course I like butter. Everyone likes butter! You don’t need a flower to know that!”
“But I need to know for certain. You might be lying about liking butter.”
“Why would I lie about liking butter, Daniel?”
“Vampires don’t like butter. That’s how you can tell they’re vampires.”
“What? Where did you hear that?”
“Vampire website.”
Re: A Cast Of Characters
Tales From The Town #167: Football
“What are you watching?”
“Football.”
“What are you watching football for, Daniel?”
“I like it when they kick the ball really high up in the air. Sometimes they kick it so high it goes off the top the screen!”
“Pffft. Anyone can do that. I can do that. I once kicked a ball into a tree.”
“We know, Claire.”
“And another time I kicked a ball over the house.”
“No you didn’t.”
“Shut up, Ethel. I did.”
“When?”
“When you weren’t there, obviously.”
“How did you kick a ball over the house when our ball is still stuck in the tree you kicked it into?”
“I did it before that. Obviously.”
“I once kicked the ball right over the school.”
“Don’t lie, Daniel. No one could kick a football over a school.”
“Not even Claire.”
“Shut up, Ethel. I could easily kick a football over the school. I once kicked a football right off the beach and it hit the horizon!”
“You didn’t.”
“I did!”
“You did not!”
“I did!”
“You did not!”
(repeat until end of VAR check)
“What are you watching?”
“Football.”
“What are you watching football for, Daniel?”
“I like it when they kick the ball really high up in the air. Sometimes they kick it so high it goes off the top the screen!”
“Pffft. Anyone can do that. I can do that. I once kicked a ball into a tree.”
“We know, Claire.”
“And another time I kicked a ball over the house.”
“No you didn’t.”
“Shut up, Ethel. I did.”
“When?”
“When you weren’t there, obviously.”
“How did you kick a ball over the house when our ball is still stuck in the tree you kicked it into?”
“I did it before that. Obviously.”
“I once kicked the ball right over the school.”
“Don’t lie, Daniel. No one could kick a football over a school.”
“Not even Claire.”
“Shut up, Ethel. I could easily kick a football over the school. I once kicked a football right off the beach and it hit the horizon!”
“You didn’t.”
“I did!”
“You did not!”
“I did!”
“You did not!”
(repeat until end of VAR check)
Re: A Cast Of Characters
a sequel to this story about snooker from the last bank holiday monday
https://accumulationofthings.com/things ... 6-snooker/
https://accumulationofthings.com/things ... 6-snooker/
Re: A Cast Of Characters
and also this one about football from last year some time
https://accumulationofthings.com/things ... -town-102/
https://accumulationofthings.com/things ... -town-102/
Re: A Cast Of Characters
Tales From The Town #168: Time
In the cities they say time flows like a river. But out here it resembles a lake. Still and calm, depths undisturbed since ages past, yet visible still to anyone who dares to peer beneath the surface.
Don’t look down and all that history's barely even there.
In the cities they say time flows like a river. But out here it resembles a lake. Still and calm, depths undisturbed since ages past, yet visible still to anyone who dares to peer beneath the surface.
Don’t look down and all that history's barely even there.
Re: A Cast Of Characters
Tales From The Town #169: Bank Holiday Monday (Slight Return)
“I can’t believe we don’t have to go to stupid school today!” Claire exulted. “On a Monday! That’s never happened before! Ever!”
“It literally happened earlier this month, Claire,” Tina sighed.
“No it didn’t,” said Claire.
“On May Day,” Ethel remarked.
“We only had Monday off then,” Claire said, bolstering her earlier argument with facts, even if they contradicted previous arguments she might well have presented before. “Now we’ve got the whole week off.”
“Like at Easter,” said Daniel, nodding knowledgeably (and also enthusiastically). “When it happened twice.”
“Shut up, Daniel,” said Claire. “Everyone just shut up. Don’t even try and spoil this!”
“I can’t believe we don’t have to go to stupid school today!” Claire exulted. “On a Monday! That’s never happened before! Ever!”
“It literally happened earlier this month, Claire,” Tina sighed.
“No it didn’t,” said Claire.
“On May Day,” Ethel remarked.
“We only had Monday off then,” Claire said, bolstering her earlier argument with facts, even if they contradicted previous arguments she might well have presented before. “Now we’ve got the whole week off.”
“Like at Easter,” said Daniel, nodding knowledgeably (and also enthusiastically). “When it happened twice.”
“Shut up, Daniel,” said Claire. “Everyone just shut up. Don’t even try and spoil this!”
Re: A Cast Of Characters
Topical pleasingness!
Re: A Cast Of Characters
that ones a sequel to the earlier bank holiday one (obviously, etc)
https://accumulationofthings.com/things ... ay-monday/
https://accumulationofthings.com/things ... ay-monday/
Re: A Cast Of Characters
Tales From The Town #170: An Agnes FAQ
https://accumulationofthings.com/things ... agnes-faq/
a question and answer session
https://accumulationofthings.com/things ... agnes-faq/
a question and answer session
Re: A Cast Of Characters
Q. was that an enjoyable read?dng wrote: ↑Tue May 28, 2024 9:26 pm Tales From The Town #170: An Agnes FAQ
https://accumulationofthings.com/things ... agnes-faq/
a question and answer session
A. ves.
Re: A Cast Of Characters
hooray. thank you
Re: A Cast Of Characters
And here's the last three days of may, all in a row
Re: A Cast Of Characters
Tales From The Town #171: A Haunting
If I could be a ghost
I’d be the sort of ghost
that lingers
and doesn’t leave
If I could be a ghost
I’d be the sort of ghost
that lingers
and doesn’t leave
Re: A Cast Of Characters
Tales From The Town #172: Returns
“Mum! Mum! Dad’s back!”
“In his cave?”
“No! He lives above a chip shop now,” said Ethel.
“Which one?”
“All of them!” Daniel said excitedly.
“Well, isn’t that nice,” Agnes said. “Even if it doesn’t make much sense. At least hopefully this means you don’t think I killed him anymore.”
“We never thought that, Mum,” Tina said.
“It was Claire that thought that!” Ethel said.
“We didn’t believe her for a second,” Daniel said. “Not one! Or two! Or three! Or – ”
“Where is Claire, anyway?” Agnes asked.
“Oh she’s still shouting at Dad,” Tina said.
“Good for her,” Agnes said.
“She’s shouting so loud not even chips will calm her down,” Ethel said.
“Or ice cream,” TIna added.
“Or chips!” said Daniel.
“Or smoothies!”
“Or chips!”
“How many portions of chips can one girl eat?” Agnes wondered.
“A lot,” Tina said. “Especially when she’s angry.”
“She was going to demand a cheeseburger next,” Ethel said.
“Which was when we thought we should come home and tell you she’s already had her tea.”
“Well, at least someone’s enjoying herself,” Agnes said. “I hope she let you three have something to eat too?”
“We had ice creams,” said Tina.
“But only one,” said Ethel, possibly a little too quickly.
“And chips!” Daniel added, dreaming of chips.
“Mum! Mum! Dad’s back!”
“In his cave?”
“No! He lives above a chip shop now,” said Ethel.
“Which one?”
“All of them!” Daniel said excitedly.
“Well, isn’t that nice,” Agnes said. “Even if it doesn’t make much sense. At least hopefully this means you don’t think I killed him anymore.”
“We never thought that, Mum,” Tina said.
“It was Claire that thought that!” Ethel said.
“We didn’t believe her for a second,” Daniel said. “Not one! Or two! Or three! Or – ”
“Where is Claire, anyway?” Agnes asked.
“Oh she’s still shouting at Dad,” Tina said.
“Good for her,” Agnes said.
“She’s shouting so loud not even chips will calm her down,” Ethel said.
“Or ice cream,” TIna added.
“Or chips!” said Daniel.
“Or smoothies!”
“Or chips!”
“How many portions of chips can one girl eat?” Agnes wondered.
“A lot,” Tina said. “Especially when she’s angry.”
“She was going to demand a cheeseburger next,” Ethel said.
“Which was when we thought we should come home and tell you she’s already had her tea.”
“Well, at least someone’s enjoying herself,” Agnes said. “I hope she let you three have something to eat too?”
“We had ice creams,” said Tina.
“But only one,” said Ethel, possibly a little too quickly.
“And chips!” Daniel added, dreaming of chips.
Re: A Cast Of Characters
Tales From The Town #173: May Daze
Last day of May. Picnic in the garden under a cloudless sky. Claire and Ethel cartwheel cross the grass. Tina and Daniel sitting together on the swing.
Agnes takes the picture without even thinking about. On her phone, it’s preserved in pristine condition for all eternity, and forgotten within the week. Printed out, put in a frame, the colours fade year by year. Yet the scene grows ever more vivid until eventually it fills her entire field of view.
Last day of May. Picnic in the garden under a cloudless sky. Claire and Ethel cartwheel cross the grass. Tina and Daniel sitting together on the swing.
Agnes takes the picture without even thinking about. On her phone, it’s preserved in pristine condition for all eternity, and forgotten within the week. Printed out, put in a frame, the colours fade year by year. Yet the scene grows ever more vivid until eventually it fills her entire field of view.
Re: A Cast Of Characters
and that's the end of may
Re: A Cast Of Characters
Good-o, Sir!
Best line: “She’s shouting so loud not even chips will calm her down,” Ethel said.
"On her phone, it’s preserved in pristine condition for all eternity, and forgotten within the week. Printed out, put in a frame, the colours fade year by year. Yet the scene grows ever more vivid until eventually it fills her entire field of view."
Pleasingly evocative!
Best line: “She’s shouting so loud not even chips will calm her down,” Ethel said.
"On her phone, it’s preserved in pristine condition for all eternity, and forgotten within the week. Printed out, put in a frame, the colours fade year by year. Yet the scene grows ever more vivid until eventually it fills her entire field of view."
Pleasingly evocative!
Re: A Cast Of Characters
Excellent, thank you
Re: A Cast Of Characters
Now I'm going to finish writing female kill machine 3, if that's okay with you
Re: A Cast Of Characters
The committee will take a vote on this... 
Re: A Cast Of Characters
Tales From The Town #174: Facts About… The First Of June
Panel 1: Facts About… The First Of June (all caps, with a drop shadow and a triple exclamation mark at the end, above a small close up of Claire and the words “with Claire!” written in a jaunty font that closely resembles comic sans but isn’t actually comic sans for licensing reasons)
Panel 2: Close up on Claire’s face – “June the 1st?”
Panel 3: Closer up on Claire’s face – “June the worst more like!”
Notes: If you would like to publish Facts About… With Claire! on your own website or in your school newspaper please contact Claire at claire@claire.claire
Panel 1: Facts About… The First Of June (all caps, with a drop shadow and a triple exclamation mark at the end, above a small close up of Claire and the words “with Claire!” written in a jaunty font that closely resembles comic sans but isn’t actually comic sans for licensing reasons)
Panel 2: Close up on Claire’s face – “June the 1st?”
Panel 3: Closer up on Claire’s face – “June the worst more like!”
Notes: If you would like to publish Facts About… With Claire! on your own website or in your school newspaper please contact Claire at claire@claire.claire
Re: A Cast Of Characters
I chuckled!
Re: A Cast Of Characters
Tales From The Town #176: Pennies, Pounds
1. The Pound Machine
The pound machine at the arcade was definitely the best machine Daniel had ever met.
You put a pound in.
You got a pound out.
But expanded from one coin to fifty. Enough to fill an entire yoghurt pot and still have some left to put in every pocket you had.
It was like magic. It suggested a world of fractal expansion, where if you had enough machines you could increase your fortune forever until it was big enough to fill up more than just one yoghurt pot but maybe even as many as four yoghurt pots. And you couldn’t even hold four yoghurt pots. Not ever. Not unless you had four arms!
2. The Penny Machine
The penny machine at the supermarket was definitely the worst machine Daniel had ever met.
You put your pennies in.
And out came a pound.
Or worse, a five pound note. That wasn’t even a coin, let alone thousands of coins, all of them different in their own little ways.
It was like antimagic. The magnificent hugeness of the world reduced down to something small enough to fit in the palm of your hand. And even then you wouldn’t want it in the palm of your hand, because they insisted on being made of paper that was surprisingly horrible to hold. It was like they wanted you to throw it away. Blurgh.
1. The Pound Machine
The pound machine at the arcade was definitely the best machine Daniel had ever met.
You put a pound in.
You got a pound out.
But expanded from one coin to fifty. Enough to fill an entire yoghurt pot and still have some left to put in every pocket you had.
It was like magic. It suggested a world of fractal expansion, where if you had enough machines you could increase your fortune forever until it was big enough to fill up more than just one yoghurt pot but maybe even as many as four yoghurt pots. And you couldn’t even hold four yoghurt pots. Not ever. Not unless you had four arms!
2. The Penny Machine
The penny machine at the supermarket was definitely the worst machine Daniel had ever met.
You put your pennies in.
And out came a pound.
Or worse, a five pound note. That wasn’t even a coin, let alone thousands of coins, all of them different in their own little ways.
It was like antimagic. The magnificent hugeness of the world reduced down to something small enough to fit in the palm of your hand. And even then you wouldn’t want it in the palm of your hand, because they insisted on being made of paper that was surprisingly horrible to hold. It was like they wanted you to throw it away. Blurgh.
Re: A Cast Of Characters
That made me grin on several occasions!
£4
£4